I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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