He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
