His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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