Have you finally orgasmed yet?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
