I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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