yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
