the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
