well I can't set my house on fire every night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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