evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
