Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why do cheetos always look like penises
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
