She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
