apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
