not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
