Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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