Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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