This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
