You're completely useless in the revolution.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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