It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
