That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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