here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize