So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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