Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
