If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Pooping to opera.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
