Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Terrible idea I love it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
