So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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