mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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