its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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