The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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