i think my tv is drunk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
bring money and cleavage
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
