i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize