I accidentally burped into my bong.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
