Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
