does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
