Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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