i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
