if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
