I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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