Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
