she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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