Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We are two peas in an std pod
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
