I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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