Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
