her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
