i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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