I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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