So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize