just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
