So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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