I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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