Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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