who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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