Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
