The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What drink are we having for lunch?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
