these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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