No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
