I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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