There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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