Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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