Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
