My liver just broke up with me...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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