God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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