He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
