worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
