Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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