thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
