Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
