wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
