I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
