it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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