dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
