wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Houston, we have a blender
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
