It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
