stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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