you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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